It's that time of year again when we transition from summer fun to back-to-school business. Heading back to school is a challenging endeavor in and of itself, but for fibromyalgia parents, it presents a unique set of struggles. Here are some tips for fibromyalgia parents on managing back-to-school stress.
Back-to-School Stress
Stress #1: Afraid of the Unknown
Not knowing how each day will go regarding symptoms limits our ability to help kids get ready for school, help with homework, or address other school-related issues. Flares restrict our ability to help our kids get ready for school in the mornings, help with homework in the afternoons/evenings, attend school functions, and more. This uncertainty causes stress and anxiety, which heightens our symptoms.
Not knowing what to expect regarding the new school environment, teachers, or classmates. (Yes, parents can be fearful of this as well). We have questions like "How will the teacher respond to our questions/issues - especially if they are frequent?" "What will the new school environment be like for our kids?" "Will our kid get along with the other students?"
Not knowing how to handle an unexpected situation that arises. We have learned how unexpected fibromyalgia symptoms can be and that anything can trigger these flares. Experience also tells us that anything can happen no matter how well we plan. These are all natural worries and are developed over time from living with fibromyalgia.
Tips for Conquering the Unknown
Accept that 'an unknown' will happen. When it happens, keep in mind that it's okay. An unknown can include suddenly not feeling well, having a flare in symptoms, or being unable to help the kids in the mornings or afternoons. Don't be hard on yourself or berate yourself with unkind thoughts. Your body can hear and react to your thoughts, such as with increased stress or anxiety.
Trust yourself to know what to do. No one knows your body and how to respond to it better than you. Clear your mind, listen to your mind, and think, "What does my body need right now?" Pull from your experience about what has helped in the past and try it.
On the days you feel well enough, make a plan for the days you don't. This can involve stocking up on frozen meals, ready-to-make pantry meals, or gathering items to create a flare kit. It's hard to think about what helps when you're not feeling well, so write down what enables you to feel better when you can think clearly.
Talk with your child about your fears for the 'unknowns' of the approaching school year. Start with your fear so they feel encouraged to speak about their worries. Come up with solutions together. Talking with your kids about your fears will make them more comfortable to open up about their concerns. Encourage them to speak to a counselor or teacher if they don't want to talk to you about it (don't be insulted or make them feel guilty).
For younger kids, read books or watch videos about returning to school.
Stress #2: Becoming Overscheduled
One of the easiest back-to-school struggles we ALL have is saying 'yes' to too many extracurricular activities at the start of the year, hoping to do more than in previous years. We do this because we feel obligated to volunteer for school activities to compensate for the guilt of living with fibromyalgia. It's natural to have this guilt.
It's so easy always to say yes, but it will ultimately lead to a flare-up or worsen current symptoms. Worse, doing this with the same results every year can become a bad habit. It's okay because there are ways to reverse this inclination to become overscheduled.
Tips to Avoid Becoming Overscheduled
Ease into the school year by limiting extracurricular and volunteer activities for the household. As the year progresses, take on more or drop some to accommodate the family. Remember: Nothing is concrete. You can make changes as you go along. It would be best to be passionate about volunteer opportunities, which will bring you happiness. Avoid stressful activities or ones that will overextend your body.
Opt for a routine rather than a schedule, and allow time for transitioning from one activity to another, waking in the mornings, or resting time not to add more stress. A routine is accessible from the confines of time constraints. It allows your family to flow from one activity or task to another. This makes room for transitioning or any unplanned events without causing more stress to you or other family members.
Read more in the article The Importance of Routines for Fibromyalgia Parents.
An excellent way to start creating a routine is to think about habits you and your family have at certain times of the day. These daily habits work together to make your family routine. Some considerations of what to include:
Morning habits include waking (allowing time for difficulty waking you or your kids), hygiene, eating breakfast, getting out the door for school, etc.
Chores are completed throughout the day. Which time of day is best for your body without overexerting yourself? Which days of the week do you do chores? Grab a free printable chore chart to make it fun for your family.
Afternoon habits include coming home from school, snack time, and homework assignments.
Evening habits include eating dinner, watching TV or other entertainment, preparing for the next school day, getting ready for bed, etc.
Stress #3: Depleted Energy
For some people, getting moving in the mornings is difficult. It takes extra time due to stiff joints, an inability to wake appropriately, morning headaches, and other issues.
We are 'hitting a wall' in the afternoon and lacking energy after school. This makes it harder to help with snacks, homework, and engaging with our kids. School events that take place in the evenings are challenging. It's not only physically demanding, but if we aren't able to attend, we grapple with guilt and other negative feelings.
Having little to no energy makes chores and other household tasks challenging. It can seem overwhelming, especially when the dishes and laundry pile up.
Tips for Depleted Energy
A tasty way to overcome energy back-to-school struggles is to eat foods that boost your energy, such as greens (kale, spinach), good carbs (oats, sweet potatoes), and Vitamin B-enriched foods (pumpkin seeds). Be sure to stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water.
Avoid the foods that drag you down, such as sugary, processed, or refined foods. These foods give you an energy spike but inevitably lead to a crash in energy. Other foods to avoid are gluten and dairy, especially if you experience abdominal upset or leaky gut.
Save activities/tasks for the times of the day you DO have energy. Note: Use this to help shape your daily routine. For example, do a couple of chores in the morning, rest for the middle part of the day, and then tackle school-related tasks when the kids get home. Make changes according to your body and how your body responds to chores.
Space out errands/chores throughout the week instead of doing them all in one day and incorporate them into your daily routine. (Create a visual family calendar. More about this further down in the article.)
Please don't overdo it or overextend your body. It's not worth it. We all overdo it and say, "It's worth it." Is it, though? No, it's not really. Be kind to yourself and your body by breaking the task into smaller, more manageable chunks.
Give enough time for rest between tasks. This is so important to remember. To help keep track of time and create rest breaks, set a timer for a set amount of time. When the timer goes off, stop what you're doing and rest. Setting a timer for rest is essential, too.
Prepare for the next school day by preparing the night before. It can be packing lunches, gathering backpacks, having clothes laid out, and having shoes by the door. There will always be something kids will forget in the mornings. Always. It's okay. We can minimize this impact by preparing the evening before. Have the kids get involved with this routine, and it will become natural for them to do it even as they get older.
If dinner time is challenging during the day, choose slow cooker meals and prepare them sooner. This is also good for flare-up days.
Stress #4: Feeling Overwhelmed
Thoughts of upcoming activities, meeting new teachers, and feeling more involved can lead to anxiety and overwhelm before school begins. We can also feel as though our symptoms are out of control, leading to negative thoughts about our abilities as parents.
There are feelings of being lost in transitioning from summer to a school year schedule. All of this can lead to us shutting down and not wanting to do any of it. This is one of the biggest back-to-school struggles we have as fibromyalgia parents.
Tips for Feeling Overwhelmed
Don't worry about future activities; focus on the current week. Take it one day at a time. This is where your family calendar will come into play, which leads us to the next tip.
Put it on paper. Take it out of your mind and write it down on a family calendar or an electronic calendar on your phone. The following section will discuss creating a family calendar.
Establish a routine (not a schedule) with your kids before school begins, and practice it in the weeks leading to the first day of school. Make adjustments to the routine as needed. Refer to the previous section about creating a routine in Tips to Avoid Becoming Overscheduled.
When you start to feel overwhelmed—whether by thoughts or something happening in your space—take a step away and do something that brings you happiness. Activities that help calm can be gardening, reading, or listening to music. Listen to your body and do whatever you feel needs to be done to get calm in that particular moment. Keep in mind that it changes each time. What you need in one moment may not be what you need the next time.
Stress #5: Fibro Fog
What exactly is fibrofog, and how can it affect the body?
Fibrofog is a common symptom of fibromyalgia, and most people with it experience it. In a broad definition, fibro fog refers to cognitive issues that make it difficult to think and understand clearly, concentrate, and say what you want. It can affect memory, ability to process information, engagement in conversation, and decision-making.
These difficulties can add to back-to-school struggles and leave you feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and stressed. However, there are ways to overcome it, which we will discuss in the tips section.
Struggles with Fibro Fog:
Not remembering the appointments, school events, extracurricular activities, etc.
Inability to concentrate on helping with school assignments, process school information, or have proper conversations with teachers.
Not able to think clearly to make informed decisions about your child's progress in school or the best way to help with a school activity.
This can lead to feelings of defeat, resignation, or withdrawal, which is natural when experiencing fibro fog.
Tips to Help with Fibro Fog
Create a family calendar to track upcoming appointments, school activities, and other important events. This can be a paper or electronic calendar, but a paper calendar may be better for the entire family to view. Seeing your activities on paper will give you a better sense of control. Visual aids help many fibro parents.
Review your calendar daily to better organize your thoughts for the day or week. Make this a part of your daily routine.
Put 'stickies' of reminders in places you will see them.
Additional Tips for Managing Back-to-School Stresses
Rest periods throughout your day in whichever way you can. If you work, take a short break by walking around or leaving the work area to sit outside. If you're at home, sit outside, talk for a short walk, dance to music, and do yard or garden work.
Immediately take a short break if you become overwhelmed, frustrated, or exhausted. Take a walk outside, meditate, stretch, practice deep breathing, or grab a book to read.
Stick to a nighttime routine to promote healthy sleep hygiene for everyone. Here are some Tips for Better Sleep.
Find ways to release the stress you enjoy and encourage your kids to do the same. This is part of self-care and should be practiced daily regardless of age.
Let your kids help with what they can. Give each one age-appropriate chores (they can be daily or weekly chores). This teaches them to work together as a family and helps them complete household tasks.
Find tutorials online about school assignments or get inspiration for school projects.
Find a support system for you and your family. Support can be a friend, an online community, or a loved one.
If your back-to-school struggles last throughout the school year, don't hesitate to contact the school counselor. Counselors are there to help students and their families and have many resources.
Resources
Family Care Centre based in Ontario, Canada: School Mental Health Backpack
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